What about being Real with HIM?

I have a REALLY hard time telling God I am upset about my circumstances

I have NO problem telling Him when I am mad at myself or my kids or Bill

But, if something happens "to" us that I don't particularly like, it is next to impossible to be upset about it to God

For example,  lets say we get news that isn't in our favor. I tend to say "ya know Lord...its ok. I know it will be ok. I know everything will work out"

which, of course, I DO believe. But I am not even letting my REAL feelings to be acknowledged

I am discovering that this isn't a good thing

I just talked about being real with other people

what in the WORLD makes me think its not even MORE important to be real to my creator

I have been feeling for quite some time that He wants me to just SAY it already

In the last 2 months, we had $3500 of unexpected vehicle expenses

We found out about the biggest one during my garage sale

The garage sale that I kicked butt on

That I spend WEEKS cleaning out my entire house in hopes to make it feel more empty

The one that I KNEW I would make a decent amount of moo-lah....allowing me to buy some much anticipated items from Ikea

When it looked as if all my hard work was going to go towards the fixing of vehicles....I....well, lets be honest

I had a tantrum

I was SO SO frustrated! 

It is pretty much only with my garage sale money that I get to buy anything of significant value 

We have been working our butts off to pay off debt and I just REALLY wanted to spend my money the way I wanted to spend my money!

So, here I was.....

mad

but not wanting to be mad

frustrated

and even more frustrated at myself for being so frustrated

Its JUST money

Its JUST stuff that I wanted to buy

And very clearly, just like that I heard God say "just be real with Me. just SAY what you are thinking.....I know you wont stay in this place, but you MUST be real with Me"

so

nervously

with a bit of anxiety and guilt

I laid  it out there

I am pretty sure it went something like this:

"Lord, are you freaking KIDDING me with this? I am SO done and over with all these unexpected financial things that cause us all sorts of frustration and panick. I am SICK and tired of having to ask You to dig into your bag of miracles to get us through another situation. 

I don't care if its selfish...I JUST want to spend the money on myself!"

followed up with arms crossed over my chest and a "humph"

and do you know what....it felt GOOD

If its freeing to be real with people

Its like chains being dropped being real with HIM!!!

And within seconds after my tantrum....er....prayer

I really WAS ok with not useing any of my money on me

I was, instead, so thankful that we HAD this extra money coming in!

(a side note...I DID actually end up getting to spend  a little bit of the money! win win!)

After this revelation I started trying to figure out why I wasn't so keen on being real with my feelings with God

My conclusion?

I was afraid it wasn't "Godly"

Why did I feel this way?

I have no idea...I would never think this of anyone else

I believe I had been hearing and responding to a LIE

But, just to make sure that me being real with God is biblical....I went to work searching my bible

I found many verses* that solidified in me the need to be Real with God

but the one that was most profound was The Message Bibles translation of Psalm 139:23

"Investigate my life, O God

find out everything about me

cross-examine and test me,

get a clear picture of what I am about

see for yourself whether I have done anything wrong-

then guide me on the road to eternal life"

In order to get the whole meaning of something, I like to break it down (I am SO my dad!), so, stick with me....

Investigate (verb)

to search out and examine the particulars of in an attempt to learn the facts about something hidden, unique, or complex, esp. in an attempt to find a motive, cause, or culprit (emphasis mine)

(to) Find Out (verb)

to uncover the true nature, identity, or intentions of (emphasis mine)

Examine (verb)

to inspect or scrutinize carefully

With this verse, with these definitions of the words used in the verse, There is no doubt in my mind that He is asking me (us) to be REAL with Him

So that we can ultimately allow Him to transform me (us) into what He intended for me (us) to be

Besides....He knows exactly what we are thinking anyways....wether I choose to be real or not!

*Job 31:6

Psalm 26:2

1 Samuel 16:7

1 Chronicles 29:17

Psalm 7:9